WATCHING BABY: A day to day blog of insights on being a new mom of an unexpected pregnancy

Mr. Walker

2010-04-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

It's been so long, and I honestly feel terrible, but Cole has kept me busy as well as a promotion at work , planning a wedding, planning Cole's 1st b-day and taking a MBA class. Either way, I have news, and I am MAKING time to post this the same night it happened. It started only 2 days ago, with a step or two here, then yesterday Cole took about 5 steps. Today, he walked, and with each passing second he is getting better and better. He is especially fascinated in my overly loud and squealing celebrations with each step he takes. It's only been about 30 minutes since he took those first real steps but he is already choosing to make that his main mode of transportation. Oh, how did we get him to decide he was no longer afraid to walk? Only, by Pizza Motivation! Wow, I cannot believe ... already... to think he was still not even born at this time last year...

p.s. please exuse the mess, just got home....

Dinnnnner!

2010-03-08T16:55:00.000-08:00

I decided to let go of my worries and feed Colton his FIRST all big boy dinner tonight. On the menu, prepared by Mommy, Chicken and Pesto Pasta with a side of fresh green beans and half of a fresh banana for desert. I gave him a pretty decent sized portion and he ate 80% of it , at least. The other 10% was left on the plate and surprisingly only about 10% on the floor ! Of course I have video, but that will have to follow.. been a long day and Im too tired!

Cole has been sleeping well, eating like a king and trying very hard to walk.. soon soon soon.

One other thing, yesterday Cole had his first experience with a swing at the park, he was not amused, complacent only. I will post those pics when they are available! Okay, sorry for the quick and non witty post. Cole is too much fun to play with !

Developments

2010-02-06T15:40:00.000-08:00

I have said time and time again how interesting it is to watch the developmental stages that Cole goes through; and I will say it many more times, it is so interesting and so much fun. Scott and I had NO idea what people were talking about before we had Cole when they described how rewarding a child is. We get it now, and believe that as much as you want to get it, you never will until you go through it... A lot of things in life are like that (being in a war, marriage, .... have to stop my train of thought there because Cole is currently destroying my printer... o my , why am I excited that he's crawling? hahahah.. here are new videos of coley's new stages... trying to learn to walk and giving mommy big sloppy kisses....

Crawling ........ For Real

2010-01-27T17:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Colton crawled for real, forward, on hands and knees. I got so excited, I swear each milestone makes me more and more excited. Watching a baby grow up is so fascinating and I am so thankful for this experience, especially to be experiencing it with my amazing son and all of our loved ones. GO COLEY!

TOOTH!

2010-01-16T16:06:00.001-08:00

On Wednesday (1/13/10) I got a text from Nana Harris that said "COLE HAS A TOOTH!!! HE BIT ME" ... His first tooth finally came in!!! It's one of the bottom middle teeth.

YAY - he is really growing up!

Scoochy Scoochy Lemon Poochy

2010-01-12T17:08:00.001-08:00

I guess as he gets older, the posting is going to get less often because I am more entertained spending time with my soon to be toddler. Cole has turned yet another corner in the past few weeks. He has become even sturdier and has now started scooching to get to what he wants. This transition became evident this past weekend when he was reaching for his Pap's Ipod and learned that if he got on his knees then went to belly and back to knees he would move forward- Crawling is just around the corner, o help us!

Last Friday evening we spent some time with the Friedrichsens and Cole had a blast playing with his buddy Aspen and eating Grace's amazing sweet potato fries. We are so lucky to have friends like Mark and Grace in our lives. Not only are they friends, they are mentors because they had their son a week more than a year before we had Cole. Like ours, theirs was an unexpected pregnancy. Mark and Grace have been so supportive of us and have helped us through such a scary (due to the unknown) time in our life by showing us the lessons they had learned and encouraging our every move. I can not wait to watch Cole and Aspen grow up together!

Another recent event; Cole was promoted to Infant room B at daycare. This means he will be socialized more, learn to nap elsewhere than cribs, and taught more independent skills. He will have new teachers and new friends, but I hope his girlfriend, Emma joins him soon.

Below are some pictures and videos displaying the above :) Enjoy!

I fell asleep eating my evening bottle- wooo I was worn out

Aspen shows Cole how the dump truck works- how sweet

They could be brothers

The Christmas Post

2010-01-02T15:31:00.000-08:00

I know it's a week after the fact, but I just now finished putting away all Cole's new toys from Christmas and finally have time to make a post about his first big holiday. Going into this Christmas, I thought Cole would be fun, but he surpassed my expectations. He got excited for the presents and had a blast with the family, attention and new toys. Some of the things he got for his first Christmas :

Tons of clothes

A TRAIN
Bead Maze

Mittens

Drums

Piano

Fire Truck - ride on

Rocking Horse

Blocks (baby's 1st)

Puzzle

Bath Seat

Megaphone (which was originally Pappy's present but was given to Cole when he liked it too much)

Table for his room

Too much more to even remember

Cole is growing up before our eyes and surprises us every day with his abilities. Sometimes we will see him do something and be like "WHAT.. where did that come from" Christmas night he started waving bye-bye and proceeded to do that when someone left for a few days. However, he doesnt seem that interested in it much anymore... He also started holding his own bottle in the past two weeks... He is too adorable, when he gets all excited he bounces and bounces ... cute little Monkey. I still enjoy every second I am with him. Below are some pictures and video from Christmas and more.

Poor Boy

2009-12-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed, it has been a while since I have posted anything. It's not because things have been boring around here, in fact it is quite the opposite! As previously mentioned, the poor lil man had Bronchialitis. He finally got the OK from the doc that he was over it, but shortly thereafter relapsed and it was beyond a nightmare. He was coughing nonstop, put on a nebulizer, and he HATED that thing. So, once he finally got better from that.... we had maybe 2 days of calm, and then the ear infection hit. He was put on his first round of antibiotics ever and took a few days to feel better but finally did. However, during those 2 weeks of sickness, he had no appetite and therefore, is now playing catchup, even in the middle of the night, he is hungry 24/7. It seems like we may now be in the clear of these chain reactions now.

Today it has snowed since we woke up and they are calling for up to 20 inches, Im sure it will not amount to that but its the biggest snow we have had in a LONG time. I guess that makes this Cole's real first big snow. We let him watch it out the window and he was mesmerized. We had a good snow day with him, we all ate breakfast, watched a movie, made christmas cookies and then more movies and dinner... It is so nice having time with Cole on the weekends. I barely get 2 hours in with him on days that I work. I never realized how hard it is to find a balance in life. But, I am happy, and so is my family and that is what counts the most.

Last night we started letting Cole learn to eat finger food, we started him on those melting little puffs and it blows my mind away that he immediately knew how to chew. It's not that I thought I would have to teach him, I just never thought about it at all. Babies are amazing, every day, in every way. :)

We took some festive pictures today :)

Christmas Fever

2009-12-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

Cole really got a good dose of Christmas today. Oh, by the way , he is FINALLY feeling better. We took him to the doctor Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Friday. (doctor's orders). Finally he got a clean bill of health on Friday after many agonizing nebulizer treatments, I guess I wouldn't like someone shoving a fog machine mask over my face either.

So , now that Cole feels better, we took him to the mall, he saw all the great big trees and loved them. OH yeah, and he saw his FIRST snow today!!!!! He actually smiled really big when it started hitting his face while we were walking to the car. Then, Cole helped decorate his first Christmas tree :) He is just amazed with the lights and it is so much fun to watch him enjoy the festivities, which makes us enjoy them again like we did when we were kids. Aw, sweet sweet childhood bliss.

And now I would like to introduce a new segment...

Daddy's Corner:

Hello blog readers! Jenn asked me if I would like to add something to her post, and I feel that it is appropriate that I tell you, the reader, how wonderful it is being 1/3 of this family. Watching Colton grow each day is a joy that cannot be explained to those who have not experienced the ever changing world of a parent. Now that Colton is approaching the 7 month mark, Jenn and I have come to appreciate each movement forward in his development. Today, we began to notice his affinity for mimicking Mommy and Daddy's speech and actions. Although this behavior is generally relegated to 9 or 10 month olds, it is evident that our little boy is going to be a "brain over brawn" type of kid.

On another note, for those of you who have been following this blog, Jenn is a wonderful, caring and devoted mother. To accept the responsibilities of motherhood when it is completely unexpected is a feat within itself, but to rise up and conquer post partum depression in addition to the former, well, it brings tears to my eyes to tell you all how proud I am of my beautiful wife-to-be. She has shown herself to be a loving conquerer. Jenn as proven that she can face her own issues head on in order to give our family a loving, peaceful environment. She should be proud. Proud of her son. Proud of her job. Proud of herself and all that she has accomplished. I love you, Jenn, and I will be with you all the way

Poor Man

2009-11-29T05:15:00.000-08:00

Poor little guy has bronchialitis so we have been up all night with him for two nights and he is so needy and miserable and it breaks our hearts. He refuses to eat much and it's really rough to watch him suffer. We have to use the nebulizer on him, which he HATES. He screams and screams and it is the toughest thing to do that to him while he stares at you knowingly. Feel better soon love.

Christmas Pictures

2009-11-25T03:58:00.001-08:00

Cole met Santa for the first time yesterday, he is spending a few days with Nana and Pap and they took him to get his Christmas portraits done as well as to see Santa!

Breathe, Stretch, REACH, let it go....

2009-11-15T16:28:00.000-08:00

When you become a mother you are fully aware of the nightmares of messy diapers, endless crying and sleepless nights. However, nobody truly prepares you for the experience of reaching. Cole has now discovered reaching, which do not get me wrong, we noticed a few weeks ago and we are proud of him for accomplishing the reach and grab. At first we thought, "aw, how cute, he reaches for my hair, except ouch that hurts a bit, oh well, its cute". Then we thought, "aw how cute, he's trying to reach for our food".

Now our thoughts have turned into (don't forget, only two weeks later) "Cole, stop that, it hurts... no Cole, that's Mommy's dinner... Cole you really shouldn't be reaching for the steak knife, it could hurt you... Cole, Im trying to feed you, stop grabbing your spoon every time it comes close to your wide-opened mouth...."

Oh my.. what are we in for!?!?!?!? Cute, but dangerous.

Sippy Cup Colton

2009-11-14T13:06:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we introduced the sippy cup, but to no avail. This week, cole started to get the hang of it :) Poor thing has a cold, again, and is on an inhaler but he is in good spirits!!!!

LOOK what I can DO!

2009-11-10T03:41:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Cole went to his very first guitar show- he actually seemed to have a very good time, he really loves music.

Yesterday when I got home from work I noticed this significant change in Cole. All the sudden, he is so much sturdier and stronger, I swear he wasn't this strong when I left for work in the AM. I put him down on the floor, and as always , I didnt expect anything. However, even though he could BARELY hold his upper half up a few days ago, he surprised me and got into crawling position! He doesnt crawl quite yet, but a new light has gone off in his head, you can see that in his eyes. He is ready to crawl and trying to figure out how, he even reaches for objects that are in front of him, so I know he will soon figure it out. He's adorable:

Picture Day

2009-11-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Cole's first school picture day (ALREADY!?!?) at daycare. I dressed him in an adorable outfit and can't wait to see how they turned out.

He has been very clingy to Scott and I lately.. uhoh, is he spoiled or just getting old enough to love us back?

The MANY Halloween Faces of Cole

2009-11-01T16:15:00.000-08:00

Cole's first Halloween was a success and I know he is going to love the holiday every year. If you don't believe me, check out the first picture... or maybe he turned into a vampire? oh my Cole, I know that everyone is into vampires these days but you don't have to be a follower... hehe Just Kidding. Really though Cole, I hope that you are an individual that takes the best characteristics from everyone you learn from and combines them into one amazing character. With that said, Check out the many halloween faces of Cole:

PARADES

2009-10-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

Last night we took Cole to the town's Halloween Parade. Cole was dressed up as a monkey. I will post pictures later. Today at daycare Cole got to be IN a parade, his first, Halloween parade! I can't wait for next year when Cole is a little older and able to enjoy the spirit of the season more.

Thankful Wakeful

2009-10-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

So yeah I thought last week, wowwww Im so lucky, I didnt go through the 4 month wakeful... THEN all of the sudden..... Cole decides he'd rather play and cry because nobody is playing with him than sleep. OH yeah I forgot to mention that this is on the night before my busiest day of the month at work... where I have to go in hours early and work late......Sooooo uhm thats what I get for thinking I skipped a parenting nightmare.

SO WORTH IT

MAMA

2009-10-28T03:44:00.000-07:00

In the past few days, all the sudden, when Cole whines and fusses it comes out in the form of "ummm maaammma mama maahhmma" and I LOVE IT because I can pretend he is calling me Mamma! Oh, he even makes the sound sometimes when he's just babbling, and thats even better! :)

PUMPKIN

2009-10-27T03:58:00.000-07:00

We got Coley his first Pumpkin and then dressed him like a Pumpkin- Happy Halloween Everyone! :)

Jas and Coley and Such

2009-10-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

On Monday, my camera broke. On Tuesday I went out and immediately bought a new one because I refuse to take the risk of possibly missing any moments in Cole's life that I want to hold on to and be able to look back and cherish.

Cole started on Peaches this morning, he didn't seem to like them as much as bananas and pears. Next I think we will do carrots, I am very curious to see if he will like those!

Today, Daddy is at work, so Cole and I are having another day together. Right now he is taking a nap in his crib and I thought while he napped I would get some stuff done but honestly, I love watching him sleep so much. At night, he falls asleep in my arms and it is extremely hard to put him down for the night in his crib. His face is so peaceful and darling while he is sleeping. Everyone says that having a kid is the hardest, yet best thing that ever happens to you. It is the most cliche, yet true, sentence I have ever heard. It is so much work to get through just a single day successfully with a baby. However, at the end of the day, when you stare at their precious face and smile, and then they smile back, it is the biggest reward that could ever be imagined. I have accomplished a good deal in my life, at least in my eyes, I ran several associations, created and hosted a phenomenal community service project, even made a short film, I graduated college with highest honors, got the exact job I worked to get, received several awards, yet none of this, even combined, could compare to the accomplishment felt when Cole shows signs of his love for me.

Later today we are going to go work on special christmas presents for Cole's grandparents from Cole, but I can't say much more than that because they read this! I am so excited.

Cole LOVES Jasmine- Whenever he sees her his eyes light up and get so big. He loves to pet her and I think she is finally warming up to him as well. She only likes him for short periods of time but thats so much better than how she was when we first brought him home! Let's see the comparison

THEN:

NOW:

5 MONTHS

2009-10-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

On Friday, Cole turned 5 months old. It's so hard to believe that he is already and only 5 months. On one hand, it seems like I just gave birth to him but in other ways it seems like I have known him forever. Time seems to go faster and faster the older you get. I remember feeling like time was speeding by while I was in college but now it seems like its on double fast forward. I keep having to remind myself to cherish every moment with Cole because the moments pass quickly. I love the age he is at, though, even though he is bigger , he is still just as cute and cuddly. However, now he is more interactive and really starting to develop his personality. He is stubborn, yet silly, goes from zero to hungry in a second, and loves attention- which reminds me of me, scott, aunt amy and uncle josh all mixed in one- isn't that amazing! Happy 5 months my baby boy- :)

Cole and his friend Aspen-

LETS GO PHILLIES

2009-10-12T12:43:00.001-07:00

mommy buddy day

2009-10-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

Today is a Mommy and Coley day- I have off work so we are just hanging out together all day and he's delightful! He ate some nanners this morning and before that he slept til 745 and then he took about an hour nap while I cleaned. I wish every day could be like today! Right now Coley is playing in his island - it's so fun to watch him, he actually plays with the toys on there now and he loves playing with his rattles and links- he throws them across the room! When we were at Nana's this weekend, he was in an old-school walker on the kitchen floor and actually was walking in it - he got SOOO tickled, I regret that I do not have it on video!

I have some new pics!

Nana bought Cole a new paci- its too funny:

Big boy sitting up again

One of my fav pics so far- Pap put headphones on Cole and he LOVED listening to the music, plus looks majorly adorable:

Roley Poley Coley AGAIN!

2009-10-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Today I was hanging out with Cole watching him play and he rolled from his back to his side but got stuck on his side because his toy was in the way. I moved his toy and he rolled further onto his belly! Good job baby boy. So then I grabbed the camera and this is what I got (he got stuck on his toy again so didn't make it to his belly on camera:

Saturday

2009-10-03T17:31:00.001-07:00

Cole's Nana and Pap came to visit him today. We took him shopping and to dinner and he was a great baby in public all day. Except , he didn't nap much, so at the end of the day he was mr. fussy pants. It's so amazing to see him smile, it's my favorite thing in the whole world , which sounds very cliche but its truer than I can convey.

Update on sitting, he can sit by himself for a very long time now.. but I still wouldn't leave him sitting up unattended.. after a few minutes he tends to get tired and fall in one direction or another.

We started to feed him sweet potatoes today. He loves them, he doesn't really seem to like the taste of the canned bananas but he does like fresh bananas. As for squash, that was second to introduce and it seems to be hit or miss depending on his mood!

I am so amazed every day at the love I have for Cole .. especially after struggling with postpartum depression. When you are going through PPD, you can't even IMAGINE feeling the feelings that I now have. I'm so grateful to overcome this and have overwhelming love for my son.

Here are some recent pics:

Cole passed out on his Pap

Cole's first ride in the big boy part of the stroller- he looks so bad a$$!

We wanted to take fall pics with a pumpkin but all we could find was a watermelon:

Tongue Found

2009-09-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

Cole found out that he has control over his tongue and he hasn't stopped sticking it out at everyone for two days now! It's adorable!

Daddy

2009-09-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

Today Cole has decided that he is daddy's lil man. He cried visibly for his daddy for the first time! Every time Scott would give him to me or walk out of the room, Cole would whine until I took him to where Scott was or gave him back to Scott. It sucked for me but was still so cute to see the son and father bond starting to emerge. I know it's tough for a father in the first few months because of the mother/child dynamic. I just hope that Cole and I's bond continues to grow as he gets closer to daddy too.

Video Collage

2009-09-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

I made a collage of a few recent videos of Cole. He is doing much better with solids and even plays with his food- which is hilarious. We started squash yesterday and he seems to actually like that better than the bananas. I must say that I love every smile that crosses his face. He is a very serious baby, but his smiles make my heart warm. Cole is officially in size 3 diapers as of last week too.. thats sad, he's growing so fast. He's really close to rolling over and sitting up on his own too. He can sit on his own for a few seconds even, sometimes a few minutes. He has this cute little security puppy blanket/stuffed animal. This morning, Cole and I took a 2 hour nap together on the couch and it was my favorite part of the past week- I loved waking up and seeing his peaceful baby face next to me!

HALLOWEEN IS COMING

2009-09-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

and I found the perfect costume...

Doctuh Doctuh...

2009-09-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

Cole had his 4 month checkup today. His Nana Harris took him and she said he did pretty well with his shots- only cried a short period of time. He weighs 14lbs 11oz and is 2feet tall exactly. He slept a lot after his shots and the doctor noted that he is very strong for his age. I'll have to start calling him Bam-Bam!

Every day with Cole gets better and better!

4 Months v2.0

2009-09-19T11:34:00.001-07:00

Cole has recovered from his cold and is back to his happy self that I almost forgot existed. He is also back to sleeping through the night which has lead to sane parents for him! Cole is now a few days older than 4 months but I finally can post a few pictures of him at 4 months now that he has stopped fussing all day and night. We fed Cole some bananas with his breakfast bottle today. He actually did really well, he ate a good bit without a fuss tho he did make faces, cmon man even I think they taste good, how can't he?! Here are some pictures :

4 Months Old

2009-09-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

Cole is 4 months old today. He is almost sitting up by himself and we can start solid foods soon.. oops we already tried once haha. He is teething hardcore so he is super fussy and not himself and basically driving us crazy because when he cries we want to help him but there is nothing we can do. One of the hardest things of being a parent is having the desire to nurture and care for the person you love but to not have any way to help them when they are in need as a baby. I really cannot wait until Cole can communicate, I remember I have said this before. It is not for my own selfish reasons but so that I can better meet his needs. It breaks my heart to see him in pain. Another really sad part, I have no pictures of him on his 4monthday because he wont stop crying long enough to take one :( He fusses at the bottle so we cant feed him and this is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. You can seriously look into Scott and I's eyes and see that there is nothing there, we feel like robots. We are exhausted and pulled to our ends with giving and we need a break. Being a parent, you don't get a break, and in the end it is worth it but in the seconds that tick by when you are going through the rough times, it is really really hard to see straight.

FIRST COLD :(

2009-09-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

Cole has his first cold.. he kept us up ALL night . We could not believe how much he cried and cried with no break. I took him to the dr. and she said he has an upper respiratory infection and should be better in about 3 days. Poor little guy, it's so tough to watch him suffer and not be able to help him... On a better note here is some fun:

This is Cole on his first day of daycare- so handsome:

The week before I was due with Cole, I had this panic attack because we did not have a tub for him to bathe in. My mom hunted down the tub I wanted and got it and we didnt use it until last week, oh pregnant women:

And this is just cute:

Peekaboo I see new room

2009-09-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took Cole back to my parents' house to hang with his nana and pap. He had such a good time, even though he hasn't been himself due to teething. Man, I was not prepared for the nightmare that teething has become. He is so fussy and only himself for about an hour or two a day and I can't wait for it all to be over because it's tough to see him with his pout lip because he's not feeling his best. Can't wait to have happy baby Cole back. My Aunt thought it would be a great idea to put her sunglasses on Cole and he got a kick out of it.

When we got back today we finished getting Cole's crib ready. He is going to sleep in it for the first time tonight (SO CUTE!) Also we finished hanging some fun stuff up in his room... its not really any certain theme but its a fun mixture of rock star, animal, baby blue.. you do what you can right? haha. Cole played in his new crib for a little , he seems to like it, let's just hope it is conducive to sleep! :)

Cole starts his new daycare center tomorrow. He will be going there three days a week- I am very excited about it, it's like a baby pre pre preschool. They teach them baby sign language and engage them in all of the brain stimulating activities that I would if I were a stay at home mom. I am so excited for him to grow developmentally at this center but am a little anxious to see how it turns out. Here's to a new step...

Foooooooood

2009-09-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

So, I got ahead of myself today and decided to start with rice cereal with cole a week ahead of time and I say it didn't go AWFUL.. but it will be a learned practice! Here's the video:

Cole Gets His Bear

2009-08-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

Today, in the midst of moving, we decided to take a break and let Cole have some tummy time. It turned into a video session as we realized how much stronger he has gotten in the past week. He army crawled to his bear, check it out for yourself below! Each milestone he reaches, no matter how big or small, is super bittersweet. It's so amazing to watch a baby make so much change from day to day and I cherish each change; but it makes me sad as he changes , he leaves the old Cole behind and I know one day, very soon, he will not be my baby anymore but a grown man. SLOW DOWN TIME.

Video Vault

2009-08-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to editing the video from Cole's 3 Monthday. He was in such a good mood that day and I got some really good squeals on video, check it out:

Bonus Pics ... Cole playing with his rattle and sitting in the rocker by himself :

Moving Moving Moving,

2009-08-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

FYI- been absent from blogging for a bit and will probably be quite absent for about another week. Cole is doing so fantastic! He is so adorable and his personality is really starting to show. Today we took him to Hibachi for lunch and I played with him by clapping his hands and singing the cops theme song to him and he laughed and laughed and it was my favorite moment ever so far. Anyways, the reason for lack of bloggage haha .. is we are moving into a new place, much bigger, much nicer and Colton is going to love it. We can't wait to have more of a home for our family than the small apt we are living in now. We bought a dining room table and I cant wait to put colton at it in his high chair haha. So, because we are going to be moving all week, I probably will not be blogging again until next weekend unless something monumental occurs. Stay tuned.. :) Wish us luck!

P.S here is a picture of Cole in his first ever shopping cart seat. We took him to get decorations and curtains for our new place and tried the shopping cart out, he loved it but we soon took him out because he still is a bit wobbly! :)

Working Moms

2009-08-24T17:33:00.001-07:00

Week 2 back to work and I just wanted to share that the second week has gotten harder. That is all. I have videos and pictures to share too but I will get to those later this week (we are getting ready to move).

Roley Poley Coley

2009-08-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

On Friday morning, I dropped Cole off at his Nana's while I headed to work. Right before I left, we decided to put him on his tummy for fun on the couch ( tummy time). And we are now sure it was a fluke, but he rolled over to his back!! It was so exciting.

Another update. I left Cole overnight for the first time since he was born to go to Cruefest with Scott and my parents for my birthday. It was really difficult to leave him and I have concluded that once you become a parent, you will no longer have the privilege of having fun by yourself, without your little one. I couldn't stop thinking about him the whole time, and while I did enjoy myself, all I could think about was how bad I couldn't wait until he could go with me to concerts. When we got back home this morning, it was an amazing feeling to see Cole smile at us. He really missed us. Oh, and one last thing- he laughed at me when I played peekaboo with him- wow, he really is getting to be such an adorable little man instead of a blob! :)

Back to Work

2009-08-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went back to work after 3 months off with Cole. I cried the night before and couldn't sleep at all but when the day actually came, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be! Time actually flew at work and I smothered my desk with pictures of him!!! By 430 I started to feel a little pain and couldn't wait to see him. It was so great coming home to Cole, and part of me wishes I could always be with him. However, I know working benefits him better becauseit gives us time apart, for him to grow as his individual with several other influences besides mine. Also, I am able to provide for him and that's the best feeling ever. Being at work gives me a sense of individuality and intellectual productivity= happier me = better mom! I miss Cole every second I'm gone but it makes me really cherish every little smile, hiccup, coo, and yes, even diaper change!

3 Months

2009-08-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

Today, Cole is 3 months old and I cannot believe it. Time has gone so incredibly fast yet it seems like it has been forever since I gave birth to Cole, in the sense that I can't remember what life felt like without him. I am so thankful for him and love every minute I spend with him, which is why I am going to be devastated tomorrow when I go back to work. It's going to be so tough to leave what now feels like a piece of me behind. I am sure I will be writing about that struggle tomorrow. Meanwhile, I wanted to post some pictures in honor of Cole being 3 months! I am looking forward to many many many more months with my dear son and his father. I love you Coley!

BUBBLES!!!

2009-08-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last night, Scott got a little out of control with the bath soap when he gave Cole his bath! Cole loved it though and I can't wait til he's old enough to start splashing around. He seemed amused by our antics with the bubbles and I can tell he's a water baby! Witnessing Cole's physical and mental development is the most astonishing thing I've ever seen. The human brain grows so quickly, its almost, no wait it IS a miracle!

HANDS N FEET

2009-08-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

I was changing Cole's diaper, and I looked up and saw he learned a new trick:

He found his feet!

Post Partum Depression- I Rose Above

2009-08-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

According to Wikipedia:
"Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. Studies report prevalence rates among women from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear. Postpartum depression occurs in women after they have carried a child, usually in the first few months. It is very serious and should not be ignored or brushed off. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability."

I personally believe that, while the definition and description are completely head-on, the word depression is very understated. I have gone through depression on its own when I began college and my parents were in a nearly fatal motorcycle accident. However, when I began to realize that I was facing a battle with PPD, the "depression" I was feeling was on a whole new level. I began to feel like I was living outside of my body and I could not believe I was saying the things I was or thinking the things I wasn't saying out loud.

The night that I realized I had PPD was probably one of the biggest turning points in my life. Cole had severe colic for weeks at this point and he was about 1.5 months old. He had been crying all evening and refusing the bottle due to reflux. This was on top of thrush, jaundice, lactose allergy, my low milk supply causing me to quit breastfeeding, and several other complications within a short period of time. I couldn't take it anymore, it was to the point where I would start crying when he was crying and I would get tense and even yell at Scott. As this was happening, I knew I wasn't being me and I felt like a living monster. I don't even think that fully describes how awful I felt.

That night, I had to get out, I drove to Wawa and sat in the parking lot crying on the phone to a friend about how I wasn't a good Mom and didn't feel a bond with Cole and that I didn't think he would ever love me. I told my friend that I was meant to be "career-driven" instead of "family-driven", even though deep down I knew this was far from the truth. Scott was back home watching Cole during my breakdown and eventually I mustered up the courage to go back. However, this was my lowest low and I could not function , I went straight to bed and thankfully it was a weekend and Scott could watch and feed Colton overnight.

I slept from 9PM til about noon the next day, which is very unlike me. Then, I laid on the couch and cried, inconsolable crying. Finally, I called my doctor and made an appointment to go in to get help. It was taking every piece of energy to get up to feed/change/cuddle Colton when he needed it, and I knew him and I deserved more than that. I knew I was capable of being an above and beyond mother and that he deserved that. I knew that I loved him more than life itself and because of that, I had to do whatever it took to make myself better so that I could give him what he truly deserves, every piece of me, not because I have to , but because I want to.

I went to the doctor the next day and started the process of healing. After a month, I began to finally feel better and I can not thank my support system enough. My parents, my family, Scott, his family, my friends were all there to help me in any way I needed. My parents helped me take care of Colton while I was focusing on healing myself and Scott's family helped keep me company and babysat when Scott and I needed to get out. Without the support of everyone, I do not think I would have made it through this. Yes, it takes courage to ask for the help, but in the end it was worth it because I feel so much stronger as a mother and because of that, Colton and I's bond is stronger than I ever imagined possible, getting stronger every day.

PPD is so much more common that some people believe and I strongly encourage anyone that even THINKS they are feeling the symptoms to reach out and get help. PPD should not be taken lightly and is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I had more resources to spread the word and help with anyone in need during their tough time of PPD.

Carnival

2009-08-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, I admit, it has been a while since I wrote anything. This is due to great news, so I do not feel that bad. Scott had gotten laid off about 3 weeks ago so we were stressing out, trying to find him a job and guess what? Friday, he got hired and he started this past Monday. We have been working out a new schedule now to adjust to him going back to work and to also get myself ready to go back (I start on Monday) :(. I am looking forward to the adult world again, intellectual conversations and the feeling of educational productivity. However, Cole is reaching such a precious stage in his life, more interactive and a bit less fussy!

I did want to share one of the experiences Cole got to have this past week... we took him to the Carnival last Wednesday. He absolutely lovvvved being outside, the attention, and the bright lights illuminating off the rides!!!! He even got to play his first game- pick-up-ducks:

Cole has been so fun today already- he really responds when I goof around with him now and it's great. Here are a few more pics just for fun to show some more of the past week:

He LOVES this birdie toy!

Cole is really starting to suck his thumb now, see how he prefers that over the paci! It's so cute that I don't mind! haha!

Scott and I decided that Cole looks like a Jawa (sp) from star wars in this picture , so I had to share!

Last but not least, Cole is starting to show interest in holding the bottle, too cute!

I LOVE YOU COLE AND EVERY SECOND WE SPEND TOGETHER WILL NOT BE ENOUGH TO SHOW THIS LOVE :) <3

Size 2

2009-08-04T09:48:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it- yesterday, we switched Cole to size 2 diapers. I know to many of my friends this simply sounds silly. However, as a mom, its so sad that I actually had a lone tear as I realized how quickly he is growing up already. I can't believe it. People always say "they grow so fast" and I've always shrugged that off but I cant even explain that degree to which they were not kidding. He is already getting bigger and bigger as I type and its so bittersweet. As children grow, you lose pieces of them that you have come to cherish and love, but in return you gain new pieces to love and experience. I never could have imagined the joy that Cole would bring to my life when I first found out I was pregnant and I look forward to all the new experiences that Cole is going to bring my life; but I am already distressed to see some of the joys of his babyhood disappearing. <3

Cole's First Swim!

2009-08-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Cole, Scotty and I traveled home to my parents' house to hang out at their cookout. Cole and I are staying the week but Scott has to go back Monday to keep looking for jobs. He recently got laid off, which is a very stressful and scary situation for us, being new parents. However, we have been working as a team to try to overcome this obstacle and I am certain that we will.

Colton got to go in the pool for the first time, only for a few seconds, but you are never too young to enjoy swimming!!!! Check out his rockstar swim trunks:

Then he helped pick green beans with nana and pap in the garden:

He was so cute all day yesterday, talking to all the guests at the cookout and he even slept 7.5 hours straight last night. Things are finally starting to become a little less stressful and it's a huge relief. I guess one day soon I need to write about the postpartum depression that I struggled with so that this relief can be put into better perspective.

A New Turning Point

2009-07-31T12:14:00.001-07:00

It seems that today Cole has turned a corner, he is now suddenly cooing and smiling more than I have ever seen him do. It is so nice to be around a "happy baby" and it seems that it is because he has gotten back onto his own routine as well as the 2mo shot side effects have gotten out of his system. Today, Scott and I sat and talked to him for a while and we even got him to laugh and smile at our antics easily, that was very very hard to do before today!

Another reason to celebrate this good day, Cole slept 10p-630a last night! Good Job Cole, we are proud :) <3 Sorry for the short post today, busy day as we are going out to celebrate grandpa's birthday ! :)

Baby Swing Rap

2009-07-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

Our beloved friend, Stacy, decided to get us a baby swing for Colton. Prior to this we didn't think we would be investing in one because we figured we would soothe Cole ourselves without spending that much money. I can not thank Stacy enough for making this investment for us because it has saved us the most important quality of a parent, our sanity. Stacy bought us the Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Cradle Swing. I decided I would share a review on the item as we love it. Actually, we love it so much that my fiance wrote a rap about it!

Assembly: This was very easy to assemble and the instruction manual was very helpful and user friendly. If my memory serves me correctly, this took less than half an hour to assemble. The ease of assembly should be proven by the fact that I did this alone at 9 months pregnant with no problems!

Ease of Use: This is very simple to use, the self explanatory switches make it easy to choose options. There are several different options to choose from including 4 different sound themes, rotating and light up mobile, and 6 speed settings. The straps are easily adjustable and comfortable for the baby. There is also a detachable tray that snaps on and off with ease. This swing is very easy to use, especially considering the magnitude of options available for use.

Effectiveness: This swing is great at calming our baby as well as keeping him entertained. The different speed settings allow us to adjust to his mood (rather he is just needing entertainment or in need of being calmed down). The amount of visual stimulation as well as different sounds available keep our baby from becoming bored too quickly. This swing is also amazing at helping get Colton to sleep when he is overstimulated! I have no complaints at all.

We love this swing and its assistance in claiming our sanity so much that we dedicated the below rap to it:

yo yo yo
mic check dawg
when times get tough and ya baby starts to cry
i gotta little trick you mother fathers gotta try
you know that wail gets louder and you start to panic
put em in the baby swing, its like baby xanax
you know that binky wont do and hes already full
flappin' on your chest like a raging bull
that vein in his forehead is about to pop
put em in the baby swing like an electric shock
sometimes it feels like there's no solution
with that little boy's lungs makin' noise pollution
your heart starts racin' a million miles per hour
put em in the baby swing and feel the power

yeah, baby swing's got power
yeah, baby swing's got power

like a stationary car ride or stroller walk
it gives you time to sleep, eat, think and talk
i been stockin' up on D batteries just in case
that swing slows down and im face to face
with a wide open mouth and sound so fierce
ringin' in your ear drums you know its bound to pierce
you know i love my little boy but sometimes its rough
put em in the baby swing and its like what! what! wha.... zzzzzzzzzzzz..... *snore*

My Dream

2009-07-29T09:49:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have dreams about your actual dreams? I keep longing for the day that Colton can communicate with me through more than a cry, I dream for the day that he says "I love you".

Last night, I had a dream that Colton was a newborn again. He was just as tiny as he was the day we brought him home! In my dream, he started crying furiously, so I said "baby doll, what's wrong". He looked up at me, instantly done crying, and said "it's gas". I stared at him in disbelief, thankful that he was finally able to tell me what was ailing him. I asked him if he wanted some Mylicon. He said "yes, please" (how great that my baby had manners in my dream). Then he continued to cry because I was the only one able to understand his speech. Everyone else in the room heard only him crying. I got him Mylicon and he looked at me and mouthed the words, silently "I love you Mom, I really, really love you". So I mouthed back to him, "I love you too angel". The dream continued with some other nonsense but these are the parts that left me feeling so warm when I woke up.

I guess part of the reason I dreamt that is because I feel a strong bond with Colton that I did not feel before due to my postpartum depression. Now I feel that, even though he can only communicate through crying, that sometimes I am able to understand him. I am able to comfort him through touch and my words even though he can not give me any words back yet. And I still am dreaming for the day he can tell me he loves me because, even in my dream, that was one of the BEST feelings I ever had.

Cole Loves Baby Einstein!

2009-07-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

If you are a parent, you have prob heard of the craze surrounding the Baby Einstein products. Cole's Nana decided to buy him one of the DVD's because we, too, have heard many great reviews. Cole used to have really bad colic until a few weeks ago so we thought this would help him calm down. Cole is a little over 2 months and already is in love with the first DVD we got him, Baby Beethoven (its for 3months +). It's really hard to get Cole to smile, but when he does it melts my heart. This DVD got him smiling straight from a fuss!!!! I can't wait to buy him more as he grows up! I highly recommend these DVDs and CD's to all mom's out there-it is so fun to watch your baby's brain being stimulated, you can literally see him learning in front of your eyes!!!! Baby Einstein DVDs are in my top 3 favorite baby products right now (see below):

1. Fisher Price Ocean Swing (review coming soon)
2. BE DVD's
3. Fisher Price Ocean activity gym (review coming soon)

Nothing in Life is Free

2009-07-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

I've learned a lot already by having a baby. Lately Ive been reflecting on the idea that you must give in order to receive. This applies in different areas of life and, I suppose, I already knew this. However, having a baby has reiterated this point in my life. For example, I was laying in bed last night thinking solemnly about the things that I miss about being pregnant. Then I remembered all of the things that I now get to do with Cole since he is an outside baby. I was also thinking about how dramatically my life has changed since the morning I found out I was pregnant and how much more it changed the moment Cole entered this world. I never could have prepared myself for this. Sometimes I get down when I realize how much I have to give up to be a parent but that only lasts a second because I get so so much in return. Change is hard to accept and this is the biggest change that has ever happened to me. So, I decided to make some lists just to prove to myself how much I am receiving from being a parent by giving up so much of my former self.

Things I miss about being pregnant:
-Feeling Cole kick , it depresses me so much that I can barely remember what that felt like
-Eating everything I wanted (esp when it was perfectly acceptable for me to have dessert for dinner)
-Carb Lunch ;) (getting away with things that I normally wouldn't)- yes, I may have used that to my advantage once or twice, but hey I was carrying a person around INSIDE of me!

Things I miss about my independent life:
-The beach with friends
-Being spontaneous
-SLEEP
wait, wow- I cant even think of anything more at the moment because I have realized how much more meaningful my life has become. So when I think about things to add to this list, it makes those things sound very minuscule and unimportant.

Things I get in return from being a parent:
-Unconditional Love- something I have never known before
-The chance to watch a baby grow day by day into a toddler, child, teenager and adult
-The chance to teach someone with a completely blank slate as much as I can about the world
-The chance to get to experience every life experience over again like it is new by sharing it with Cole
-Meaning, a reason to thrive
-I get to play with toys all over again and I have a perfect excuse to do so (hotwheels at that)
-A new cuddle buddy
-Unexpected surprises every day as he learns new things

I finally can say I have truly never been happier to have Cole in my life. Being a parent is the hardest job, just as much as that saying is cliche. However, I wouldn't trade this job for anything and I am so glad that my life has taken this turn.

Colton's Birth Story/ Catching Up

2009-07-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

I wanted to start a blog when Colton was born so that I didn't forget anything as he was quickly growing up before our eyes. However, I didnt fully realize the time dedication it takes to raise a baby so I haven't been able to start until now. Cole is a little over 2 months old at this point but I guess I should start with his birth story. Other small things to note besides the birth story
-he started to smile and coo shortly before he turned 2 months old
-he bats at his toys on his overhead gym that his Nana bought him
-his first holiday was July 4th- we spent the day at Nana's pool with all of the family and some friends
-we took him to Hershey Park the day before his 2month monthday. He hated it!
-he had thrush, lactose allergy, severe diaper rashes and several other minor complications (including colic for a few weeks).

So, there's the short summary- more to come as we watch our little human grow up. It seems he does something new every day. It's crazy, having a baby is more rewarding that you can imagine, even when you hear people say it's rewarding. You literally get to watch a human evolve, learn and grow in front of your eyes. You pay a very high price for this, but once the rewards begin to show the price seems less relevant. Here's the birth story:

I woke up on Friday, May 15, 2009 with a bit of a sore throat and headed to work for the day. I was feeling a bit discouraged at the fact that I was still unable to hold my darling boy in my hands yet. Pregnant and miserable, I carried on thinking that I would eventually have to be induced the following week. Work was pretty uneventful and miserable, and I remember feeling a pressure in my abdomen all day that had not been there previously. However, I ignored this feeling, thinking I was imagining it since I had been overanalyzing every ache and pain in anticipation of the start of labor. After work, I drove home and Scott and I met his family at Cracker Barrel to celebrate Scott’s dad’s promotion!
At Cracker Barrel, I ate an amazingly filling meal of fire roasted beef with potatoes and corn on the cob. I topped it off with strawberry shortcake that I split with Scott’s mom. While we were eating, a baby beside us started crying. I said “Colton, hear that baby? Come outside and be like him”. Then Amy, Scott’s sister, said “Colton, wait until after dinner”. We finished our dinner, had an amazing, fun time and then decided to go back to Scott’s parents’ house to watch an on-demand movie.
Scott and I stopped by our place to change into comfortable clothes and then headed over to the house. On the way up the walkway to the house I said to Scott “you know, the pain might make me curse, but your mom will be in there- do you care if I ask her if it’s ok to curse”. Scott said “no, ask her- she won’t care”. The next words out of my mouth were “UHM I just peed mys-no no wait- my water broke”. I remembered hearing stories where women thought they had peed themselves and I promised I wouldn’t be as oblivious to do the same thing. So, officially, at 8:30PM my water broke!!! We ran into the house, announcing the news and Scott called the doctor. Scott’s dad and Chris were there and seemed amazingly relaxed amidst the chaos I was feeling. I was so nervous and excited and in disbelief, FINALLY!!! Scott, in typical fashion, also made sure to update his facebook status and use the restroom before we headed to our place to grab our bags and off to the hospital!
Once we got to the hospital at 8:45PM, Barb and Amy met me at the Emergency room doors. We went in; I refused to be wheel-chaired and continued to say “ewww ewww eww” as water ran down my legs (gross). I was so excited and so nervous at the same time.
By 9:45 PM, I was hooked up to my antibiotics and given an IV for hydration. The nurse began monitoring my contractions- they were 4 minutes apart at this time. I guess this is where my adrenaline wore off because I started feeling the pain of the contractions. Six days later, as I write this, I can barely remember what they felt like, only that they hurt. I told the nurse that I would take an epidural ASAP! She told me I had to be 3 cm dilated before I could have my epidural.
Dr. Curry came in to check me out and said that I was 2cm but could have my epidural whenever I wanted it. At 10:45 I called the nurse to check me again to see if I was 3cm yet because I was in pain and wanted that epidural now! I am such a baby! The nurse said I could have my epidural and at 11PM she called the anesthesiologist to hook me up! My parents arrived around this point after their 2 hour drive.
At 11:30PM I was given my epidural and at 11:45PM I was given my catheter. The nurse that gave my epidural was extremely nice and did a good job of hiding a HUGE needle that I later heard about from Scott. The epidural only stung a little bit, but felt much better than the contractions and I felt almost immediate relief. I was so relaxed at this point. We turned on the TV and hung out, rotating visitors in the room to chat with.
At 12:45AM on May 16, 2009, my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. I must mention here that I LOVE EPIDURALS. I did not feel a thing. At 1:15AM, the nurse gave me some Pitocin to speed up my contractions. I remember that as everything was happening I could not believe how fast time was going. For being in labor, time was flying by and I knew it wouldn’t be too much longer until I could finally meet my angel boy.
Around 2AM, the nurse doubled my dose of Pitocin. I soon began feeling pressure, not pain, as Colton was shortly ready to make his appearance. The nurse told me that once the pressure came and did not go away to call her in because that would mean that it was time to push. We all decided to take a small nap.
About 20 minutes into my nap, the nurse came back. It was 3AM; she checked me and told me it was time for me to push. I was in disbelief, a little scared, and mostly anxious because this was it, finally time to meet Colton. I could not believe how easy and quickly this time had come once I had gotten the epidural. My mom and Scott’s mom came into the room and Fresh Prince was on TV; the theme song had just begun as the nurse got me all set up and explained to me how to push. I told the nurse that it sounded a lot like pilates and yoga, isolated movement. I was to grab my thighs and push with my abdomen.
At 3:20AM I began to push, it wasn’t too bad and no pain at all. My face turned bright red with every push and I put all of my energy into meeting my little one. Scott was by my side the entire time, though I must say I was completely unaware. The only people in the room were Colton and I. The nurse let me feel his head as he began to crown- it was so nice and a little disgusting to feel (I’m squeamish) but almost time to hold him. After 2 contractions of pushing the nurse called the doctor in because Colton was ready to come out. Once Dr. Curry arrived, I pushed through 3 more contractions and at 3:41AM COLTON SCOTT HARRIS WAS BORN!
His head was extremely cone shaped and he looked so purple and lifeless for what seemed like eternity, but was only seconds. He started crying and it was the most amazing sound I have ever heard in my entire life. The doctor put him on my chest and Scott and I began to cry as I told him “that was easy”. Colton was so perfect and precious, scoring 9’s on all of his apgar scores. He weighed 5lbs 9.6 oz and was 19inches long. It felt so amazing to feel his soft skin on my chest and touch his precious full head of hair. I felt immediately like I had already known him all my life.
Everyone was allowed into the room and we celebrated and took probably way way too many pictures. We were all so excited and Colton is so lucky to have so many people in his life that already love him more than he will ever know. I cannot wait to share every little experience with Colton and Scott as he grows up and turns into a man. The good and the bad, which we’ve already had both of, will make him such a strong person and Scott and I are going to do everything we can to provide the best life possible for our little man. Welcome to our world, Colton Scott, you are truly very loved.