My Dream

Do you ever have dreams about your actual dreams? I keep longing for the day that Colton can communicate with me through more than a cry, I dream for the day that he says "I love you".

Last night, I had a dream that Colton was a newborn again. He was just as tiny as he was the day we brought him home! In my dream, he started crying furiously, so I said "baby doll, what's wrong". He looked up at me, instantly done crying, and said "it's gas". I stared at him in disbelief, thankful that he was finally able to tell me what was ailing him. I asked him if he wanted some Mylicon. He said "yes, please" (how great that my baby had manners in my dream). Then he continued to cry because I was the only one able to understand his speech. Everyone else in the room heard only him crying. I got him Mylicon and he looked at me and mouthed the words, silently "I love you Mom, I really, really love you". So I mouthed back to him, "I love you too angel". The dream continued with some other nonsense but these are the parts that left me feeling so warm when I woke up.

I guess part of the reason I dreamt that is because I feel a strong bond with Colton that I did not feel before due to my postpartum depression. Now I feel that, even though he can only communicate through crying, that sometimes I am able to understand him. I am able to comfort him through touch and my words even though he can not give me any words back yet. And I still am dreaming for the day he can tell me he loves me because, even in my dream, that was one of the BEST feelings I ever had.