Today, in the midst of moving, we decided to take a break and let Cole have some tummy time. It turned into a video session as we realized how much stronger he has gotten in the past week. He army crawled to his bear, check it out for yourself below! Each milestone he reaches, no matter how big or small, is super bittersweet. It's so amazing to watch a baby make so much change from day to day and I cherish each change; but it makes me sad as he changes , he leaves the old Cole behind and I know one day, very soon, he will not be my baby anymore but a grown man. SLOW DOWN TIME.
August 30, 2009
Video Vault
I finally got around to editing the video from Cole's 3 Monthday. He was in such a good mood that day and I got some really good squeals on video, check it out:
Bonus Pics ... Cole playing with his rattle and sitting in the rocker by himself :
August 29, 2009
Moving Moving Moving,
FYI- been absent from blogging for a bit and will probably be quite absent for about another week. Cole is doing so fantastic! He is so adorable and his personality is really starting to show. Today we took him to Hibachi for lunch and I played with him by clapping his hands and singing the cops theme song to him and he laughed and laughed and it was my favorite moment ever so far. Anyways, the reason for lack of bloggage haha .. is we are moving into a new place, much bigger, much nicer and Colton is going to love it. We can't wait to have more of a home for our family than the small apt we are living in now. We bought a dining room table and I cant wait to put colton at it in his high chair haha. So, because we are going to be moving all week, I probably will not be blogging again until next weekend unless something monumental occurs. Stay tuned.. :) Wish us luck!
P.S here is a picture of Cole in his first ever shopping cart seat. We took him to get decorations and curtains for our new place and tried the shopping cart out, he loved it but we soon took him out because he still is a bit wobbly! :)
P.S here is a picture of Cole in his first ever shopping cart seat. We took him to get decorations and curtains for our new place and tried the shopping cart out, he loved it but we soon took him out because he still is a bit wobbly! :)
August 24, 2009
Working Moms
Week 2 back to work and I just wanted to share that the second week has gotten harder. That is all. I have videos and pictures to share too but I will get to those later this week (we are getting ready to move).
August 23, 2009
Roley Poley Coley
On Friday morning, I dropped Cole off at his Nana's while I headed to work. Right before I left, we decided to put him on his tummy for fun on the couch ( tummy time). And we are now sure it was a fluke, but he rolled over to his back!! It was so exciting.
Another update. I left Cole overnight for the first time since he was born to go to Cruefest with Scott and my parents for my birthday. It was really difficult to leave him and I have concluded that once you become a parent, you will no longer have the privilege of having fun by yourself, without your little one. I couldn't stop thinking about him the whole time, and while I did enjoy myself, all I could think about was how bad I couldn't wait until he could go with me to concerts. When we got back home this morning, it was an amazing feeling to see Cole smile at us. He really missed us. Oh, and one last thing- he laughed at me when I played peekaboo with him- wow, he really is getting to be such an adorable little man instead of a blob! :)
Another update. I left Cole overnight for the first time since he was born to go to Cruefest with Scott and my parents for my birthday. It was really difficult to leave him and I have concluded that once you become a parent, you will no longer have the privilege of having fun by yourself, without your little one. I couldn't stop thinking about him the whole time, and while I did enjoy myself, all I could think about was how bad I couldn't wait until he could go with me to concerts. When we got back home this morning, it was an amazing feeling to see Cole smile at us. He really missed us. Oh, and one last thing- he laughed at me when I played peekaboo with him- wow, he really is getting to be such an adorable little man instead of a blob! :)
August 18, 2009
Back to Work
Yesterday I went back to work after 3 months off with Cole. I cried the night before and couldn't sleep at all but when the day actually came, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be! Time actually flew at work and I smothered my desk with pictures of him!!! By 430 I started to feel a little pain and couldn't wait to see him. It was so great coming home to Cole, and part of me wishes I could always be with him. However, I know working benefits him better becauseit gives us time apart, for him to grow as his individual with several other influences besides mine. Also, I am able to provide for him and that's the best feeling ever. Being at work gives me a sense of individuality and intellectual productivity= happier me = better mom! I miss Cole every second I'm gone but it makes me really cherish every little smile, hiccup, coo, and yes, even diaper change!
August 16, 2009
3 Months
Today, Cole is 3 months old and I cannot believe it. Time has gone so incredibly fast yet it seems like it has been forever since I gave birth to Cole, in the sense that I can't remember what life felt like without him. I am so thankful for him and love every minute I spend with him, which is why I am going to be devastated tomorrow when I go back to work. It's going to be so tough to leave what now feels like a piece of me behind. I am sure I will be writing about that struggle tomorrow. Meanwhile, I wanted to post some pictures in honor of Cole being 3 months! I am looking forward to many many many more months with my dear son and his father. I love you Coley!
August 14, 2009
BUBBLES!!!
Last night, Scott got a little out of control with the bath soap when he gave Cole his bath! Cole loved it though and I can't wait til he's old enough to start splashing around. He seemed amused by our antics with the bubbles and I can tell he's a water baby! Witnessing Cole's physical and mental development is the most astonishing thing I've ever seen. The human brain grows so quickly, its almost, no wait it IS a miracle!
August 13, 2009
HANDS N FEET
I was changing Cole's diaper, and I looked up and saw he learned a new trick:
He found his feet!
He found his feet!
Post Partum Depression- I Rose Above
According to Wikipedia:
"Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. Studies report prevalence rates among women from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear. Postpartum depression occurs in women after they have carried a child, usually in the first few months. It is very serious and should not be ignored or brushed off. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability."
I personally believe that, while the definition and description are completely head-on, the word depression is very understated. I have gone through depression on its own when I began college and my parents were in a nearly fatal motorcycle accident. However, when I began to realize that I was facing a battle with PPD, the "depression" I was feeling was on a whole new level. I began to feel like I was living outside of my body and I could not believe I was saying the things I was or thinking the things I wasn't saying out loud.
The night that I realized I had PPD was probably one of the biggest turning points in my life. Cole had severe colic for weeks at this point and he was about 1.5 months old. He had been crying all evening and refusing the bottle due to reflux. This was on top of thrush, jaundice, lactose allergy, my low milk supply causing me to quit breastfeeding, and several other complications within a short period of time. I couldn't take it anymore, it was to the point where I would start crying when he was crying and I would get tense and even yell at Scott. As this was happening, I knew I wasn't being me and I felt like a living monster. I don't even think that fully describes how awful I felt.
That night, I had to get out, I drove to Wawa and sat in the parking lot crying on the phone to a friend about how I wasn't a good Mom and didn't feel a bond with Cole and that I didn't think he would ever love me. I told my friend that I was meant to be "career-driven" instead of "family-driven", even though deep down I knew this was far from the truth. Scott was back home watching Cole during my breakdown and eventually I mustered up the courage to go back. However, this was my lowest low and I could not function , I went straight to bed and thankfully it was a weekend and Scott could watch and feed Colton overnight.
I slept from 9PM til about noon the next day, which is very unlike me. Then, I laid on the couch and cried, inconsolable crying. Finally, I called my doctor and made an appointment to go in to get help. It was taking every piece of energy to get up to feed/change/cuddle Colton when he needed it, and I knew him and I deserved more than that. I knew I was capable of being an above and beyond mother and that he deserved that. I knew that I loved him more than life itself and because of that, I had to do whatever it took to make myself better so that I could give him what he truly deserves, every piece of me, not because I have to , but because I want to.
I went to the doctor the next day and started the process of healing. After a month, I began to finally feel better and I can not thank my support system enough. My parents, my family, Scott, his family, my friends were all there to help me in any way I needed. My parents helped me take care of Colton while I was focusing on healing myself and Scott's family helped keep me company and babysat when Scott and I needed to get out. Without the support of everyone, I do not think I would have made it through this. Yes, it takes courage to ask for the help, but in the end it was worth it because I feel so much stronger as a mother and because of that, Colton and I's bond is stronger than I ever imagined possible, getting stronger every day.
PPD is so much more common that some people believe and I strongly encourage anyone that even THINKS they are feeling the symptoms to reach out and get help. PPD should not be taken lightly and is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I had more resources to spread the word and help with anyone in need during their tough time of PPD.
"Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. Studies report prevalence rates among women from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear. Postpartum depression occurs in women after they have carried a child, usually in the first few months. It is very serious and should not be ignored or brushed off. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability."
I personally believe that, while the definition and description are completely head-on, the word depression is very understated. I have gone through depression on its own when I began college and my parents were in a nearly fatal motorcycle accident. However, when I began to realize that I was facing a battle with PPD, the "depression" I was feeling was on a whole new level. I began to feel like I was living outside of my body and I could not believe I was saying the things I was or thinking the things I wasn't saying out loud.
The night that I realized I had PPD was probably one of the biggest turning points in my life. Cole had severe colic for weeks at this point and he was about 1.5 months old. He had been crying all evening and refusing the bottle due to reflux. This was on top of thrush, jaundice, lactose allergy, my low milk supply causing me to quit breastfeeding, and several other complications within a short period of time. I couldn't take it anymore, it was to the point where I would start crying when he was crying and I would get tense and even yell at Scott. As this was happening, I knew I wasn't being me and I felt like a living monster. I don't even think that fully describes how awful I felt.
That night, I had to get out, I drove to Wawa and sat in the parking lot crying on the phone to a friend about how I wasn't a good Mom and didn't feel a bond with Cole and that I didn't think he would ever love me. I told my friend that I was meant to be "career-driven" instead of "family-driven", even though deep down I knew this was far from the truth. Scott was back home watching Cole during my breakdown and eventually I mustered up the courage to go back. However, this was my lowest low and I could not function , I went straight to bed and thankfully it was a weekend and Scott could watch and feed Colton overnight.
I slept from 9PM til about noon the next day, which is very unlike me. Then, I laid on the couch and cried, inconsolable crying. Finally, I called my doctor and made an appointment to go in to get help. It was taking every piece of energy to get up to feed/change/cuddle Colton when he needed it, and I knew him and I deserved more than that. I knew I was capable of being an above and beyond mother and that he deserved that. I knew that I loved him more than life itself and because of that, I had to do whatever it took to make myself better so that I could give him what he truly deserves, every piece of me, not because I have to , but because I want to.
I went to the doctor the next day and started the process of healing. After a month, I began to finally feel better and I can not thank my support system enough. My parents, my family, Scott, his family, my friends were all there to help me in any way I needed. My parents helped me take care of Colton while I was focusing on healing myself and Scott's family helped keep me company and babysat when Scott and I needed to get out. Without the support of everyone, I do not think I would have made it through this. Yes, it takes courage to ask for the help, but in the end it was worth it because I feel so much stronger as a mother and because of that, Colton and I's bond is stronger than I ever imagined possible, getting stronger every day.
PPD is so much more common that some people believe and I strongly encourage anyone that even THINKS they are feeling the symptoms to reach out and get help. PPD should not be taken lightly and is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I had more resources to spread the word and help with anyone in need during their tough time of PPD.
August 11, 2009
Carnival
Okay, I admit, it has been a while since I wrote anything. This is due to great news, so I do not feel that bad. Scott had gotten laid off about 3 weeks ago so we were stressing out, trying to find him a job and guess what? Friday, he got hired and he started this past Monday. We have been working out a new schedule now to adjust to him going back to work and to also get myself ready to go back (I start on Monday) :(. I am looking forward to the adult world again, intellectual conversations and the feeling of educational productivity. However, Cole is reaching such a precious stage in his life, more interactive and a bit less fussy!
I did want to share one of the experiences Cole got to have this past week... we took him to the Carnival last Wednesday. He absolutely lovvvved being outside, the attention, and the bright lights illuminating off the rides!!!! He even got to play his first game- pick-up-ducks:
I did want to share one of the experiences Cole got to have this past week... we took him to the Carnival last Wednesday. He absolutely lovvvved being outside, the attention, and the bright lights illuminating off the rides!!!! He even got to play his first game- pick-up-ducks:
Cole has been so fun today already- he really responds when I goof around with him now and it's great. Here are a few more pics just for fun to show some more of the past week:
He LOVES this birdie toy!
Cole is really starting to suck his thumb now, see how he prefers that over the paci! It's so cute that I don't mind! haha!
Scott and I decided that Cole looks like a Jawa (sp) from star wars in this picture , so I had to share!
Last but not least, Cole is starting to show interest in holding the bottle, too cute!
I LOVE YOU COLE AND EVERY SECOND WE SPEND TOGETHER WILL NOT BE ENOUGH TO SHOW THIS LOVE :) <3
August 4, 2009
Size 2
I can't believe it- yesterday, we switched Cole to size 2 diapers. I know to many of my friends this simply sounds silly. However, as a mom, its so sad that I actually had a lone tear as I realized how quickly he is growing up already. I can't believe it. People always say "they grow so fast" and I've always shrugged that off but I cant even explain that degree to which they were not kidding. He is already getting bigger and bigger as I type and its so bittersweet. As children grow, you lose pieces of them that you have come to cherish and love, but in return you gain new pieces to love and experience. I never could have imagined the joy that Cole would bring to my life when I first found out I was pregnant and I look forward to all the new experiences that Cole is going to bring my life; but I am already distressed to see some of the joys of his babyhood disappearing. <3
August 2, 2009
Cole's First Swim!
Yesterday, Cole, Scotty and I traveled home to my parents' house to hang out at their cookout. Cole and I are staying the week but Scott has to go back Monday to keep looking for jobs. He recently got laid off, which is a very stressful and scary situation for us, being new parents. However, we have been working as a team to try to overcome this obstacle and I am certain that we will.
Colton got to go in the pool for the first time, only for a few seconds, but you are never too young to enjoy swimming!!!! Check out his rockstar swim trunks:
He was so cute all day yesterday, talking to all the guests at the cookout and he even slept 7.5 hours straight last night. Things are finally starting to become a little less stressful and it's a huge relief. I guess one day soon I need to write about the postpartum depression that I struggled with so that this relief can be put into better perspective.
Colton got to go in the pool for the first time, only for a few seconds, but you are never too young to enjoy swimming!!!! Check out his rockstar swim trunks:
He was so cute all day yesterday, talking to all the guests at the cookout and he even slept 7.5 hours straight last night. Things are finally starting to become a little less stressful and it's a huge relief. I guess one day soon I need to write about the postpartum depression that I struggled with so that this relief can be put into better perspective.
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